GIVE ME CREAM CHEESE OR GIVE ME DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it. I'm declaring war on the country of France. C'est la guerre. I dont care what the cost is, things have got to change or it's going down. Vive la révolution!!!!

Ok, so maybe I'm being a little overdramatic. But seriously??? What the heck kind of country doesn't have cream cheese? Or sour cream? Or strawberry flavored gelatin or pretzels or poultry seasoning or Cool whip or frozen strawberries or graham crackers or cookies or anything that a normal red blooded American human being eats??? And doesn't have ovens to cook/bake things in??? And I'm supposed to LIVE here?

So Sunday night we had a "réunion famillial" where the family told me some rules of the house and the way things work around here and how I would be integrated. One of the first things they said was that we're not supposed to speak english to each other. They expressed that it was for my own good and that it was nothing personal, and it would be hard but it would be a lot better that way. I am fully 100% in agreement with this but let me tell you, it's really really hard. I cherish this time I get to write my blog and go on facebook so I can get back in my comfort zone for a bit and speak to people in english. Also, here everyone goes to sleep at 11pm and wakes up at 9. That's wayyyyyyy earlier and wayyyyyyyyyy more sleep than I've ever gotten aux États-Unis. I'm used to running on 6 or so hours of sleep and not going to bed until around 1 or 2am. I find here that even if I lay down around 11, it's at least an hour (usually more) until I even get tired enough to fall asleep and then I'm up and wide awake a little after 6. But maybe this is better and I'm sure I'll get used to having a couple extra zzzzzzzzzzzz's.

Then they explained that everyone has designated chores, and they said I would get a list of designated chores the next time we had a meeting. Also, everybody has designated days where they make the dinner and dessert, so it was decided that every Tuesday it's my turn to cook. Then there were small things like, you have to tell someone if you're not going to be home for dinner, or if you're going to come home late/after 11, if you are going out somewhere etc... and explained to me that they know I'm a responsible adult and they're not trying to invade my privacy or babysit me, it's just so they're not waiting for me or so they know not to set a place for me or so they know to be worried if I dont come home etc... They showed me how to lock all the doors, what things were mine and what I was free to use/touch, if doors are open it's ok to enter, if they're closed don't enter, how breakfast and lunches work, all that kind of stuff, and encouraged me to "ask questions until I make them feel like encyclopedias" (as my American friend Sonya so wonderfully said). Sonya also pointed me to Psalm 119 to comfort some of my insecurities about living in a household with other people- For the most of my life I've been extremely independent and have always done my own thing and whatever I wanted. Rules were always subjective with me and I made them flexible or broken if I breaking the rule wasn't going to hurt anyone (for example, let's take the 11pm going to bed rule here. If I were on my own and that was the rule, I'd for the most part try to keep to it, but if I really wanted to do something, I'd stay up til all hours of the night to do it. No one gets hurt if I'm quiet and dont wake anyone else up, and it's isn't going to kill me, so why should I have to go to bed at 11 if I'm not tired and there are things to do? There would be no logical reason in my mind why I should have to go retire to bed if I don't want to besides it's the rule and I should obey the rule. Of course here I'm going to obey the rule because it's not my house and I want to respect these people for helping me so much, but you get the idea of my example). I mean, of course I wouldn't break the "don't steal, dont kill people, dont keep milk in the refrigerator for 3 month," but things beyond that were always grey area to me and always depended on the situation. I made some great decisions and lots of bad ones, but it's made me who I am. But I've never, ever had so much structure before, especially not in the place where I live, where you're supposed to go back to to let everything, relax, and have it be your ultimate comfort zone. It's a little scary because I'm afraid I'm going to mess up and do something wrong without realizing. And I know that the family is going to be patient with me because they know I'm just getting adjusted, but there goes my pride again, I dont want to have to make mistakes. I just want to do everything right and learn quickly how to do it all right. But now I'm not "home" (whatever that means, since it's always been quite an ambiguous term for me) and I'm not at college anymore, it's the "real world" and I'm not living for anyone else on this earth. Now I have to live for myself, and the rules, discipline, and structure that are coming are things I haven't had for a long time. But in time the Lord has reassured me these things are a blessing. I know it's good to have a sense of discipline and structure and an ability to respect authority and rules and such. These I'm sure will greatly aide me as I continue to grow and mature, and it's a way for God to gently show me His love and continually refine me into the woman He's called me to be. Even though it may taste like pepto-bismol to start out, I'll come to discover that it's actually milk and honey (to quote Sonya again...)

Throughout the meeting, I really didn't say much besides "oui, non, ok, et merci" because if figured they were the ones who were telling me their terms because i'm the one coming into their home. But at the end of it all, Gilles said that at our next meeting, I was going to have to do all the talking (in french) and would have to tell them what I needed- what exactly I was looking for as work, what I could contribute, what I wanted to contribute, etc.... (and Silvia and JC explained to me that it was so they would know how they could best help me out) and then everyone said goodnight to me and left. Oiy. Talk about all that stuff in French? Again, I know it's necessary and they're only trying to help me- it's for my own good- but looking at it all, it's really scary and intimidating.

Anyway, I mentioned all that just to show that Tuesdays it's my responsibility to make dinner and dessert. So yesterday, Gilles and I set out to go to the supermarket to buy groceries for the week and I made a list of things I would need. At first, I was excited to be able to cook and bake for everyone, but I soon came to realize that most of the things that like to make for dinner and dessert have to go in the oven for some period of time. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought, but I figured, eh, I'll just be creative and see how it turns out.

We get to the supermarket, Leader Price. It is the cheapest of all the different supermarkets but it's also the smallest and doesn't have a big selection. So here we go. Gilles set off to get the things he needed, and as we past the section with butter and milk and stuff I said I needed to get something close to cream cheese. Now I had been through this battle before last year when les Colins asked me if I could make cheesecake. They have a million and three different types of cream here- crème fraîche liquide, crème fraîche épaisse, crème fouettées, crème légère, crème pâte à tartiner... you get the picture. It's the same thing with flour here too- they have a million different special kinds of flour but I didn't see just a regular all-purpose flour. And nothing really resembling cream cheese. I couldn't remember what I used last year, but I was just picking things up and trying to see if they'd be the right texture but there really weren't many options anyway so I figured I'd just try one and if it doesn't work, try another. So then I said, ok, let's look for Cool Whip instead. Gilles just looked at me with a blank expression on his face and said, "Cool Whip? What's that?" Uh oh. Here we go. So I start trying to explain what Cool Whip/whipped cream is and the various things you use it for. He shows me where there's crème fouettés, which is like the whipped cream in the can that you put on top of ice cream and such, but I needed the kind in the tub. The kind in the can is too liquid-y. So we call JC back at home to see if he can look up on the computer what the french equivalent or a good substitute is for whipped cream. But he didn't really understand what we were saying at first and looked up a recipe for cream of wheat instead. After going back and forth between the three of us, for quite some time, i decided to just buy the stuff in the can and make do. Like I said, creativity.... right?

So then I say I need frozen strawberries. Gilles tells me, "We have frozen raspberries." I say, "No, I need frozen strawberries," and he tells me, "I don't think those exist in France either." Strike 3 France, but I'm feeling gracious so I'll still let you go for another try. I tell him I need strawberry jello. I figure, how hard can this be, jello's so famous it's got to be worldwide. Nope. Wrong again. They have no idea what jello is. Ok, well it doesn't have to be jello brand exactly, any strawberry flavored gelatin will do. Actually, it can't do, because gelatin isn't flavored here. At all. Sooooooo I ended up having to by powdered gelatin (which again, isn't exactly the same consistency as in the US) and then strawberry flavoring syrup to add to it. Will it work? We'll see. In a last effort to save my respect for this country, I went to get some pretzels. Now the super market did carry them, but they were all out. If Gilles hadn't been with me, I would have thrown a fit and made a fool of myself right there in the middle of the supermarket. How am I supposed to live here? There's nothing to eat!!!!!! No oreos, no tostito chips, no chocolate chip cookies, no munchy snacky things!!!! Well, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise too, but ooooooooooo it's going to take a lot to get used to! When I come back to America to visit, please please please I beg of you great me with either a watermelon or some kind of cookie/yummy treat!

Gilles said we could try another supermarket for the things I still needed, so we went to another called InterMarché. Gilles and I go over to the frozen section (which is about the quarter of the size of a typical american frozen food section) and we can only find either a mix of frozen fruits or frozen raspberries and blueberries. So we decide to ask one of the ladies working there if they have frozen strawberries. She was super super sweet and jumped at the opportunity to help us, but she said they didn't and in fact she'd never heard of such a thing. She asked us what they were for to try and see if she could help us find something to substitute (we had asked her about cream cheese too and she told us to try Mascarpin, a type of italian cheese), and I replied that it was for an American dessert. Her eyes got all big and wide and she gasped and said to me, "You're American?!?!" I replied yes, and she says with a huge smile on her face, "Wow!!!! I've never met a real live American before!" I laughed and told her I was pleased to meet her. It was really funny, just the way she said it. I mean, does that mean she's met fake or dead Americans before but never a real live one? I look just like she does, we're not a different species just because we're American! Well, maybe some people would beg to differ on that one but anyway.....

I got the Mascarpin and Gilles said we could try somewhere else for the frozen strawberries. We ended up going to 5 different supermarkets it seemed like, to no avail so I just bought fresh ones. I'll let you know how it goes. I always thought I was a flexible person, but this is definitely stretching me out in lots of new ways!

And now I have a craving for McDonalds. Sigh. I'm not going to let this one go for a while, France.