Finding my voice...

Last night, Silvia started explaining to me the process I'm getting myself into with getting my official papers to be able to live here in France. She explained to me everything she had to go through when she first moved here, and how frustrated she got at times, but it was all worth it and she assured me that she would be with me for everything I needed. Plus, she needed to go to the préfecture anyway to renew her Titre du Sejour (the card which allows you to live here over an extended period of time). I'm really glad I'm living with Silvia; she's an immigrant too so she understands everything I'm going through now and has already done it before. Her children didn't have to go through any of these processes because they're already French citizens since their dad is French. But, there's still Silvia, who is Venezuelan, and I'm so so so thankful toA have her here with me! Her wisdom, strength, faith, and encouragement put me at ease, although I must admit, I still fell sleep feeling quite nervous- the whole process just seems so big and intimidating.

I woke up this morning early so that we could get an early start- and found a HUGE spider crawling on my laundry bag. And when I say huge, I mean GIGANTIC, like spider on steroids or something, not the kind we're used to seeing in our houses. This spider was definitely NOT American. It was easily the size of my entire palm. I freaked and refused to re-enter my room until Gilles killed it (which, unfortunately meant that he had to rummage near my dirty laundry but hey, what are friends for? Thanks Gilles, I knew I could always count on you =) ). He said that it happens from time to time that those spiders happen to get in the house, but not to worry because it wouldn't hurt me. Won't hurt me??? Oh sure, for a creature that big has got to have a proportionately sized mouth. It's probably one of those bird eating spiders you hear about in specials on the Discovery Channel or National Geographic, and if it eats birds, what's going to stop it from eating my hand, or my food, or my head for that matter?????

Great way to start the day. I should have taken the hint from that little experience and went back to bed.

Now, I am notoriously known for always doing things the hard way. Don't ask me why, I cannot say. I just can't bring myself to do things the easy, most simple way. There's literally like, a small operator person in my brain who, when given the choice between the easy, logical way and the difficult, complicated path, turns the steering wheel hard and fast towards the hard path and convinces the rest of me that this path will be more adventurous and therefore more fun and entertaining. Like you know you could just walk across a street, but no, I have to go over, under, around, and through, make three circles in place, take a hop, skip, and a jump on a diagonal, do a cartwheel and then pirouette off to the other side of the street. While yes, in theory for just crossing a street, that may be more fun and entertaining, but for other matters in life.... sigh. You'd think I'd learn my lesson.

First on the list was the bank. When I was in the US, I opened an account at an HSBC because they have international branches so I wouldn't have to pay an extra fee when I take money out of the distributeur (ATM) and (in theory) it'd be easier to open an account in France since I'm already a client. Well we get to the bank (which conveniently about 6 blocks away from our house) and you have to ring a doorbell to let you in. Each person goes one at a time, and after the bank personnel buzz you in through the first door, you're in a 4 ft by 4 ft holding place with extremely low ceilings and a security camera in the corner. You have to buzz again, and the bank employee asks to see your identification (I didn't understand what she was asking for the first time because her voice was muffled through the microphone, and I really felt like a stupid ignorant american by having to say, "Desolée, je ne comprends pas.") Once I flashed my passport in front of the camera, she buzzed me in to the bank. Is all that security really necessary??? Really, France?

So we go up to the teller, and Silvia asks me if I wanted to speak or if she should speak for me. I said I wanted to speak for myself, so I explained my situation, that i was an american who just moved here and wanted to know what I needed to do to open an account or if my american account counted etc... well of course the first question she asks me is if I have a job. I tell her no and she says that there's no way possible that I can open an account until I have a job because "who's going to supply a salary to put in the bank?" She said that I would need a French account to deposit my salary into for my job, not the American one. She did make me an appointment for me to talk to one of the bank representatives about my options, but I would need to bring my tax statement (which I don't have because I did my taxes online and never got a statement in the mail), an official letter from Gilles saying that I was living in his house, my passport as a form of identity, the contract from my job (which obviously I dont have yet), and an electric bill to prove that Gilles actually lives where he lives an pays for all the things he pays for.

Fail #1. Let's move on, shall we?

So then we miss two busses to take us to the train station, but it's okay because we only had to wait about 3 minutes for the next one to come. We get to the train station and Silvia tells me that next on our agenda is to get me a "Titre de transport" so I can have unlimited use of the bus, métro, etc... Well we go to the office and there's a sign saying the person will be back in 15 minutes. Thankfully, he did, and we sat down and again, explained what I was looking to get. Now I have two options. The one Silvia told me to get was the one that had unlimited access for a month, but the problem is that it's only good for the 1st through the end of the month, so if I bought one of those right now, I'd be paying full price for only two weeks worth of use since June is ending in two weeks. And, you have to get it a month in advance, so I'd have to pay for the two weeks of June and the whole month of July, but if I just want one for July, I have to buy it before July starts. If I buy one in July, I have to pay for July and August. The other option is a weekly pass, but those are only good Monday through Sunday, so Silvia told me to wait until Monday otherwise, again, I'm paying for a whole week's worth of ticket and only getting 3 days use of it. And, to be able to get either of these, I have to bring my passport for identification, my bank statement from my French bank account (which I dont have and won't be able to get until I have a job), and 72 euros.

Fail #2. Moving right along.........

I pay for a one way ticket (Silvia tells me we can walk back to the house) and we go on to the préfecture to see what I need to get my "Titre de Sejour". Once we get to the building, we head downstairs to the "Accueil des Etrangers" and get in line. There are A LOT of people there, mostly Africans and a handful of Arabs. I was definitely the only white person there. Silvia tells me to talk to the lady first, and so once again, I go and explain my situation and ask what is needed. She looks surprised that I'm even asking this question (and is probably thinking in her head, "is this dumb, naive American actually asking me this?" and tells me once again that it's impossible to get my "Titre de Sejour". I have to get a job first, then have the company fill out their end of the papers, send them over to the French Consulate in New York, then the French Consulate will send me a letter in the mail (in New Jersey) telling me to make an appointment. Then I have to make an appointment, go to New York with all the necessary papers (some of which I don't have....), hope that the Consulate approves my papers, then go back to France and start this whole process all over.

I can't get the bank account until I have a job. I can't get the job without papers. I can't get all my papers without a job, I can't get a transportation pass until I have a bank account. I'm stuck. Stalemate. Caught in a Catch-22.

Fail #3. Does that mean I'm out???

Why do things have to be this complicated? Look France, I promise I'm a good, law abiding citizen (aside from that one speeding ticket I got but it happens and besides, I'm not to going to be driving in your country anyway) and I'm not trying to take advantage of you. Neither am I planning or even capable of terrorizing or aiding and abiding peoples capable of terrorizing either yours or any of the surrounding nations in the European Union, except for the occasional rant/tirade at your supermarkets but you can handle that, right? I promise I won't give you any trouble at all, just let me stay here. K thanks.

Silvia and I walked home, and I was feeling quite discouraged. She kept talking to me about all the things I needed to do, or should do, or things that would help (try this, or try this, or try this) but I didn't even want to listen anymore. Things just felt so hopeless. Why was I going to waste time, energy, and money if it was all going to fail? Why can't things just be easy? I mean, I tried to get the job at Disney before coming here but there weren't any auditions in the United States. I don't see how I could have gotten any other job without being here. But now I have to use all that money to buy a round trip ticket to go back to the United States and then come back to France? And I dont even know about the time frame it's going to take, so I can't even buy a ticket because I have no idea when I'd need to leave here and no idea how long I'd need to stay in the States. ARGH!!!!!!!!

Once we got home, Silvia told me to go on the website for the US Embassy in France and see what they could do to help me. THAT was a big mistake. All I found were things like (and I quote directly from the Embassy website):

"In order to work in France, American citizens must hold a valid French work permit which is obtained at the préfecture in France after a visa is issued from the French Consulate in the applicant’s country of residence. The visa is valid for France only.
Note: It is not possible for an American citizen to come to France as a tourist and then change his/her status to that of a worker, a student or a resident. The French authorities will require such individuals to return to the U.S. to apply for the appropriate visa.

Americans hoping to enter the French labor market are cautioned that it is very difficult to find employment. To be able to work in France, Americans, except for those in special categories (ie married to a French citizen) must have arranged employment approved in advance by the French Ministry of Labor and they must have obtained a long stay work visa before entering France. The Embassy will not intervene with French Authorities on behalf of American citizens seeking a visa, visa exemption or work permit.

Americans who disregard the visa requirement and apply in France for a work permit are required to leave the country to obtain the appropriate visa at a French consular office in the U.S. American citizens should not come to France expecting to find a job and to change their status after arrival. Such expectations are unlikely to be fulfilled and personal hardship may result. Most foreigners are not eligible for French Social Security or unemployment benefits. In some cases, individuals may have difficulties with French authorities and may face expulsion from France.

Employment Situation in France:
Since July 1974 there has been a virtual freeze on the employment of nationals of all countries other than nationals of member countries of the European Union. Unemployment in France for the first quarter of 2009 reached about 8.7 %, and French laws and regulations governing immigration and employment in France are enforced with increasing rigor.

The Embassy is not in a position to intercede with French authorities on behalf of Americans seeking visas, visa exemptions and work permits."

There were also various informations about how Americans are rarely accepted to teach in schools (Silvia explained to me it's because the French don't accept American English; you have to teach British English here. She has the same problem because she's from Venezuela, and they look down on her because she doesn't speak Spain spainsh), and all the various papers I'd need to bring with the visa application, again, some of which I don't even own. Now I had checked the French Consulate website before I left for France to see what I needed etc.... and I did know ahead of time that you need to have a job before you can get the work visa. Fine, that I understood, but I knew I'd need to go to France to find the job. I assumed that I'd be able to go to the US Embassy here and get the same visa. It said ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on the French Consulate of the United States website about me needing to be in the United States to obtain the visa, and it wasn't until I'm here now and I went on the US Embassy of France website that I discovered this. JC tried to comfort me with his smiles, laughs, and natural good humor and told me there's absolutely no doubt in his mind that I'll find a job and he has 100% confidence in me, even if it's something like being a nanny (nounou) or English tutor or working in a pub somewhere, something even if it's small, just to allow me to get my papers. I, on the other hand, just wanted to go lay down and cry but my room is the veranda right off the living/dining room/kitchen and there's the glass doors on the two sides facing the house so I basically have no privacy. So I took a nap instead. France, encore vous me dérange.

This would be 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times easier if I just got married to a French citizen. Prince Charmant, oú es-tu?

I woke up to Silvia yelling about something, so I went to see what was going on. I think I had mentioned to a few of you that the family was thinking of moving to either a house or an apartment with cheaper rent. Well they applied for this special program to give them a place with better rent and more financial help for the French government. They were told that it would take at least an entire year for their application to be processed and it was a very slight chance that they would get it. But, today, less than 2 months after they sent it in, the application was accepted! Instead of being like, a house type apartment, we're now going to be in an apartment building, but it's actually a little bigger than what we have now, about 500 euros cheaper per month with more energy efficient heating and such, and we are each going to get our own bedroom! Silvia was so excited, and Gilles and JC were both so shocked they were speechless and just stood there with their jaws open. Nobody was expecting an answer so quickly. Praise the Lord and His favorable miracles!!!!

I then went back to my room and checked my email because really what other purpose do I have in life right now except to be on Facebook, my blog to see who's commented, or Gmail every five minutes to see what people on the other side of the ocean are doing, and half the time you're all just sleeping anyway because I'm 6 hours ahead of you and my peak computer time here is between 3am and noon for you all, and come on, who of you is actually awake and functioning at that hour? It's summer vacation and you're all sleeping in. Unless you're a responsible grown-up who goes to work everyday, but then I'm sure you're working hard and not sending me emails, updating facebook, or commenting on my blog (righttttttttttttttttt? =P). Anyway, I go and check my email and I have an email from Disneyland Paris inviting me to an audition on Wednesday! I only re-submitted my resume to them yesterday and did not expect to hear from them this quickly! Now again, there's no guarantee that I'll be selected or chosen, but this is progress! Please keep me in your prayers, I'm going to need lots of help from the Lord!!!

I went in to tell everyone the news, and Gilles announced that he as well had an interview next week to be a teaching assistant. This is like, his dream job and he's been wanting it for a long long time now, and he was finally chosen for an interview! So as you see, my day turned from lots of disappointment and despair to glimmers of hope. After we finished talking, Yadira had to leave to go to rehearsal for her choral concert next week, JC went to celebrate a friend's birthday, Gilles went to work, and Silvia went to run errands, so I was alone in the house. I went to do the dishes (Yes, Ed and Jen, I"m still doing dishes! =P) and started to sing some of the songs I used to sing in my voice lessons with Ed. My voice was really scratchy, because I've been too afraid to speak for the past couple days in fear that I'm going to make mistakes. I actually think an entire 24 hours went by where I didn't even say one word. I've been quiet and shut up and timid because this is such an intimidating giant before me. But in this quiet time, I just felt the need to be free, to sing and dance like I used to and to be set free from all the lies that have been keeping me in hiding. I didn't care that my voice cracked or that the high notes sounded bad, or that my muscles were really tight which limited my movement. I am going to be free. God brought me here for a reason. He got me into the country without a return ticket. He's going to work it out, I know it. I can be strong, I can be courageous, I can have hope and not just get by but I can have joyyyyyyyyyyyyy as well, because it doesn't come from me but rather it comes from my Savior. He was the One that parted the Red Sea, not Moses. He was the One that made the walls of Jericho fall down, not Joshua. He was the One who slayed the Midianites, not Gideon. And He is the One who is going to set my path here in France, not me. So what if I have to go back to the States for a few day? Praise the Lord He has provided me with the money, and that's something I couldn't say a year ago. Even if Disney doesn't work out, something will. He's my Deliverer, my Rock, my Strength, my Beloved. He's pretty awesome. Be encouraged, because He can do the same for you too =)